What Next

photo by stockresearch52

photo by stockresearch52

 

Today in silence I hear my memory. As a boy often I was a dreamer, player and sports person. I was delighted to learn cycling and motor bikes. I wrote my thoughts on a note-book. I had a lamp nearby.

Today I just crossed six decades plus of my life’s journey. I have not forgotten my cycling. Today I was riding in my bicycle and slowly recollecting my thoughts. I closed my eyes for a moment and I thought loudly how one cannot orphan their old thoughts and memories.

Over my grooming years I bottled my desires and watched hope to sail. I had a solid education and employment and clean habits taught by my beloved parents. I never borrowed a penny in my life from any one. I believed firmly in self growth and sustenance. I only mastered the art of saving and spending when it is needed and hate indulgences. I have everything today. I travelled across the globe. As the year walks on I learnt that happiness is hard work and hard work is happiness.

I tirelessly worked for the family members, helped friends and relatives whenever possible. I know gratitude from one’s near and dear and blessings from elders and other well wishers don’t come in silver boxes with golden keys.

No matter how hard and sincere you work and execute your responsibilities the weeds still keep growing and nurturing your memories.

My life’s calendar now looks like it has been machine-gunned with only reminders, rebut and no gratitude’s. I never envisaged having to undergo several times. The trauma continues and the injury is slowly recuperating. I don’t mind it. I try ignoring it. My memory fails to fade. It is very strange. I am not an expert on art of living to experience the art of forgetting the past through cosmic yoga, driving away the cosmic ‘Maya” and stuff like that.

Over the past one month, there have been times when I’ve been gripped by an inexplicable thoughts and recollections ranging from milestone life achievements and to breach of trusts by the near and dear ones.

I am in search of the art of forgetting the past. Something must be done or past thoughts would spiral and will grow ever bigger and end up as a tornado of self-pity and would reappear near a house of some poor unsuspecting witch. Even if I resist my age of sixty plus, in my head, I’ll never have to recollect those bittersweet experiences ever again. No day dreams!

Definitely my thoughts are not fitting in to the stuff like ‘The Golden Compass ‘by Philip Pullman  ,  that falls easily into the YA-fantasy bucket or Like Cornelia Funke’s The Thief Lord and J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series it was all written for young adults but definitely  enjoys a large crossover adult following known for its stuff of myth and legend. My thoughts are neither myths nor legends. It is near factual.

I innocently look into the blue sky through my balcony where some plants are captured in earthen pots curbing their freedom to grow naturally. I don’t believe in nurturing plants in pots depriving their normal growth with freedom for someone’s cheap pleasure. I am no more interested in cakes and cards. I just want to forget the immediate past and the distance past, all in one go.

I know it is pretty hard in life to know which bridge of thought to cross and which to burn. Can I fondly question that is it all there in the unwritten book on life by our society?

I would like to enjoy and watch through my bed room window a solitary grey cloud overhead and birds flying freely with their wings wide open. I heard people saying that magic spells supposedly break at midnight, but I wonder whether it may or may not be today in my case.

Hoping against hope I go to sleep by listening to the soft notes of Carnatic music from my neighborhoods and recollecting what would be next as my cycle logo wears it boldly. That is, what NEXT!  Can we say then without fear or favor that memories don’t find orphan homes and you have to live with it till your death?

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4 thoughts on “What Next

  1. Thank you for visiting my blogs Tenabrae Cafe and the PsiKeep Center for the Arts. I do not know about letting go of memories. I believe that it is time to get them all down as soon as possible or they will be lost. I believe there is a lesson to behold is every memory. The more painful the memory the bigger the lesson.
    Best regards

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  2. I recognise some parts of your blog while reading it and then it hits me. It makes me sad that so many people wish to forget, eventhough the memories show us who we are, how we have evolved to, hopefully, succesful beings who learned from the hard things and turned them around to something good. I understand that living with memories is often difficult, but i tell you from experience… Don’t ignore them. I have found a solution to work on memories, which is free for use by everyone. To make them useful tools instead of emotional bagage that forces itself on you. If you are interested, have look at “Dianetics auditing”. Don’t let yourself scare off by bad stories. Do some good research. Talk with an auditor. Have a session. It totally changed my life :-)

    Thank you for sharing your blog!

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